Absence makes the heart grow fonder - or so they keep telling me. On March 31, 2011 my angel got her wings - after a long, hard fight my Mom passed. The last 3 weeks have been many things, none of which easy. I've gone through the motions of taking care of everyone and everything the way I was taught growing up but the one thing that I haven't really taken care of is me. While I was lucky, if you want to look at it that way, to be with Mom when she passed, I've not fully let go yet and with my track record I may never. Yes, I've shed tears and felt anger, sadness, and lonliness all revolving around my loss but I've not fully come to terms that my Mom will never be there to give me a hug, to tell me she loves me, to go shopping with or just sit and visit with. Right now I don't what tomorrow brings but I know one thing, I will treasure the moments I have with those I love because you never know when your last moment with that special someone will be.
I will leave you with something my daughter wrote recently which has touched me deeply. I've read this at least once a day since she first read it to me then emailed it to me upon my request. She told me that while she still hurts and misses her Nana, writing has helped her cope with the rollercoaster emotions she has going on with the loss on top of her being 4 months pregnant and her husband being on his second tour of duty in Iraq. I am proud and honored to share this with you and hope you can appreciate it as much as my family has.
Life After Death by Caitlin Russell
The day I died my family surrounded me in that ice cold hospital room, my death struck everyone as a surprise, but I just could not deal with all of the pain anymore. When I saw that bright white light start approaching my lifeless body I knew it was time to go, it saddened me as I watched my family; I saw the tears rolling slowly down my husbands wrinkled face, I laughed as I realized after 42 years I had been the one to cause most of those soft deep wrinkles, the rage in my pregnant granddaughters ocean blue eyes grew as she realized the doctor had lied to her, he told her that she would be able to let me hear my great grandchilds heart beat, but what Caitlin didn't realize was that I was already playing and singing to her little baby, and worst of all was my daughters face as she realized she would never have a mother again, she promised me she was coming back home to live with me and help me get through all of this pain and the doctor appointments that I had been having, but God wouldn't let me stay in my frail little body anymore, he knew I was too tired and the pain was only making me worse; now it was time to go up to Heaven and finally leave this Earth.
My soul flew up through the bright blue sky, passing a few birds along the way and landed with a light thud among a soft marshmallowy white cloud. Before me I saw something that I had thought about often, but never in my life would I have imagined it to be this beautiful; the gates of Heaven were upon me, the oversized golden gate shimmered like a kings crown as the sun shined upon it. I was in awe as I slowly started walking towards the gates of my new home, this experience was much different than just moving into a new neighborhood, the man at the gate told me that God had been expecting me, but I was told to look around before I go and meet him.
As I walked past those lovely golden gates the smell of carnations filled my nose with an overwhelming aroma, these were my favorite flowers. As I followed the smell I started seeing the bright red, pink, and yellow flowers pop up along the newly paved brick red path I had already been walking on, it led me to a cottage, the most beautiful cottage I had ever seen. The cottage looked old, but had been newly painted white with green trim, it looked like a replica of our house on Margaret Lane, but was more up to date. The only difference was the front yard had been filled with the greenest blades of grass, a wooden fence with carnations weaved in and out of every brand new plank of wood, and a big white and green sign that had Barbara G. Davis engraved on it with my enterance date to Heaven, March 31st 2011. The best part of my new house was seeing my great granddaughter run out of the house yelling, "Nana, you're finally home, I've been waiting on you! We only have a few more months to spend together and I thought you were going to make me wait until September to meet you!"
I wish there was some way to communicate with my family just so I could tell them how much I really do miss them and that Heaven is wonderful with its amazing beauty. I can't wait for them to join me up here but I'm in no rush, I guess I will just wait patiently and be rejoined by my ever loving family soon for the rest of time.
As always, I thank you for stoppin' by and I apoligize for the downer of a post today but this was something I needed to share in order to work on moving on with things. I have not done any scrapbooking or card making in the last several weeks but I have dove back into jewelry making full force because it is so portable and produces quick results which helps me keep focus on something besides dwelling on what has been going on the last few weeks.
Happy scrappin' and I will be sharing some of my jewelry creations (a few of which are still available for purchase - most have sold as soon as I have made them) when things settle down a little more.
Thanks for stopping by.
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